Still here

Still here...still waiting on paperwork......

On a side note I have to share a story....

Before I met Sam I didn't own a TV and when I finally had a TV it was to watch an occasional video.. that's how long ago that was I had VHS.....

When I met Sam he had a huge TV one of those big screen things.. it made my eyes hurt. Eventually that went ( shh don't tell Sam thank goodness) and we had our family TV in the Entertainment center..... I don't let the kids watch TV to much junk. I rarely turn it on maybe for my favorite shows but not even always then.

We sold our TV to get ready to move ( it weighed over 100 lbs) 32 in. anyways we sold the TV well over 2 weeks ago actually I think we are close to 3 weeks. 

I don't miss it one bit I am knitting more reading more and I have one less thing to dust... and I don't have to unplug it to keep H from trying to watch it. The kids are playing more no temptation no fights.

I could live with out the thing even after we move. The one thing I do kinda miss though is Saturday night movie...we get the kids together pick a kid movie and Sam makes his special Tabasco popcorn we all love.

I am thinking maybe we could have Saturday night game night which would be fun and have popcorn after.......

yes my life is still hanging in limbo the medical paperwork is still floating somewhere in Germany... our Military passports are somewhere at the state department..... still waiting for those to come. Yes , Sam still has to go ahead and yes in mere weeks the reality is I will be traveling with 4 kids 2 of which are 20 months old and it is their first time flying.... with 2 travel beds, 2 car seats, and 10 pieces of luggage on 4 different flights and 11 hours of flying... by myself.

I said I wanted adventure right...well that sounds like a thrill ride.....

Germany, Iran, and The United States

I have to start this "story" with the statement that my National Geographic Magazine came and Iran was on the cover. I LOVE my NG I have loved it since I was a kid I remember I always had a chance to read it even as young as 5. I Loved the big glossy pages the exotic people and places I wanted to go to every place I read about and learn more. I still to this day get excited to rip open the package and read that magazine from cover to cover. Sam has been to the headquarters twice and behind the scenes.  Sam also did a workshop... I have worked on a project and been to a lecture and I tell you I could do more would love to......

Now moving on... I couldn't wait to read the article about Iran it was about the Persian aspect of Iran's history. I have to say as we all no at times NG can be a bit liberal and get a bit political...such as the media. Of course this article delved into the U.S. and Iran's tension as well as a few other current topics but the bulk was about the Persian influence on Iran. I waxed and waned during the article sometimes I was angry at the writer for making the political issues her sounding board and at times I was angry and what Iranian's said......

I did have to smile several times in the article Iranians ordinary people stated they wanted us the US to know they weren't terrorist waiting to destroy us and that they are uncomfortable with the "Arabic" identity they have had thrust upon them. They wanted to be know for their rich cultural heritage through ancient times and that they were a people still of that culture and that is where they saw the future.

In reading this I remembered another article I had read about a travel writer who went to Lebanon to write about the country and he too encountered many wonderful people who wanted the US to know they weren't terrorist and that they too had great pride in their culture and rich past.

Stay with me here... My friend Jenny had been to a workshop with international business people. As an ice breaker the attendees talked about their countries and things about themselves etc. Jenny told me that a German man said to everyone..." I am German everyone hates us ...." 

How very interesting..U.S. citizen's are feeling like the whole world hates us? We are all drawn together by the perception that everyone in the world has the wrong opinion of us. They probably do to some extent.

The problem of the ages misunderstood cultures trying to learn more about each other and understand each other better. Something gets lost in cultural differences and translation.

I know in anthropology we have fancy terms for trying to understand and observe others with out letting our own cultural views interfere.

Germans Iranians, and Americans all feeling the same thing. Many countries are caught up in so much political strife ordinary people just want to live their lives.

I would also like to note that in my area (other blogs) the blog My Marrakesh... Maryam has several very good blogs listed on her site about Iran and human rights etc.

I always like to look for ways we are more alike than different and despite being angry about some of the statements or parts of the article or their leaders behavior I would like to think we are alike in the pride we feel for our countries history and culture...we all share that no matter where we live in the world.

Yes I'll take 2 passports please.....

The paperwork saga continues...... The flaming messages keep coming......and more people are added to my  "hit" list. We will have 2 passports each in order to go one is an official military passport...which looks identical to our regular passports....and we have to have both.... so please hope hope for us that it will not take the state department the quoted 8 weeks to get them to us...... or Sam will be going and I will be here with the kids for the 8 weeks ...which means for the third year in a row we will be separated from August on.......... and yes that would mean I would have to pack handle to movers ship the car etc. do everything for the move with all the kids by myself.   So to my catholic friends out there I know there is a saint to bury in the yard to sell a house is there a saint to make the state department move paperwork faster????

More and more pictures.....

Picture happy today what can I say :)

Pictures pictures.....

The past 5 days have been fun filled with not only mission impossible....... But ( start humming the twelve days of Christmas tune)  The end of summer school for T,  The sale of one car by Sam, A trip for camping at Mc Grath state beach...in true Bendet style there was misty overcast weather..... ground squirrels galore, smores and more...sand mud and 4 dirty kids...... British soccer camp...sliding down a slide climbing through a tunnel and 3 bike ridesssssss ..... 4 dirty kids, 3 bike rides, 2 tired parents .......and one million pictures :)

actually we had a fun filled weekend with camping despite the sand mud and dirt heheheheheheheh and then this week started British soccer camp for the boys which they dearly love love and the twins have had a great time playing at the playground at soccer.

so with out further adieu let's get on with the pics.....

Little inspirations

I have to start by saying yes the paperwork saga continues...... oddly I was telling a friend today that I feel like I am in a scene from mission impossible....should you choose to accept this mission you must maintain your sanity prepare a family and house to move and pick up the dry cleaning by 2 make dinner by 5 drive kids to blah blah blah. Then after I make the dash and complete the task there is another flaming note waiting to explode and for me to go on the run again. Actually visualizing it makes me giggle. We managed to get into the school office ( hear the mission impossible theme song playing) get this ... My husband works with the former PTA president's husband he called her she called the principal who called me....... yes please fall over laughing at this point at how lame this has been I know I am laughing. Finally we get the school paperwork done.. it is sent to Germany so hopefully by tomorrow it will leave the wrong place in Germany for the right place..... keep your fingers crossed. No sooner had I arrived home when Sam was calling to tell me that now despite holding 3 identity cards, 2 sets of official paperwork....and passports ( the whole family) we actually have to get military passports. Yes Military passports which look identical to our passports .. apparently it serves as our visa for Germany. It takes 8 weeks to get.... unless the office pays a huge amount of money to have it expedited..... and it is there fault they were suppose to do that paperwork first. So tomorrow the next mission impossible meeting will happen ( cue music again)....... I'll keep you posted on my next mission impossible task :) hahahahahahah

Now on to the real reason for the post this evening :) I was driving home from the school office and I saw a woman walking her dogs. Nothing extraordinary, I smiled though maybe it was the sun shining maybe it was the time of day. I see this woman literally out everyday over her lunch every day rain or shine walking her 2 dogs. I smile because it makes me happy to think of her dedication to this her obvious enjoyment and pleasure. I even became inspired to think of more of these moments in my own life. Happiness and joy in the simple things in life that make our days better in small unsung ways. Good for her for getting out for her dedication. To all of you who do all of the ordinary things that need to be done rain or shine ! "They" always say happiness lies in the little things and as a detail person I like that !

Things to make us smile

Realizing that the past week I have been a negative Nelly and realizing that I missed out on posting some positively smile inducing pictures..... I have come to my senses and have decided to post happy thoughts to start the weekend. It is a Friday and what better day to reflect on the week and dream of what can be for the coming week !

Picture one we have the prettiest beach flower that there ever was and the splash of color upon the blank canvas of the sand makes me smile ! S was happy and content to watch the waves and enjoy the breeze. Warm sun, cool breeze, calming waves....what could be better?

Picture two We're off the race has begun ! What fun it is to run carefree in the warm sun ! P was running from Mom but, in general he has fun running wildly about making mischief of one kind or another for the sake of a laugh. Carefree the wind at his back a boy and the beach just makes me smile.

" In the end people will show you their good side almost everybody has a good side just keep waiting it will come out"  - Jon Snoddy  quoted in The Last Lecture

So we end our week with happy thoughts of children laughing the sun shining and carefree moments with friends, family, or new acquaintances. Have a good weekend and Hopefully next week will be full of joy and happiness !

Also I would like to thank Maryam for posting comments being positive and reminding me that there are exciting things around ever corner :)

Signs

 There is a Paul Simon song that is one of my favorites it is called "Diamond's on the soles of her shoes" it is from his Graceland album...... this great line in the song " He makes the sign of a teaspoon she makes the sign of a wave" Oddly at different times in my life that song has meant different things to me and echoed in my head. Most of the time it reminds me that sometimes subtly wins over brute force. Oddly in true Piscian style I have many contradictory characteristics. I wish I could be more assertive in so many situations and yet there are so many times I wish I could step back and be more subtle. I am a total type A control freak. My brother who often balanced me out well was a type B and so laid back and thankfully all the men in my life who were friends or family or Sam are that.

I of course have gone into full blown control freak meltdown mode. I am angry most of the time agitated and pessimistic the polar opposite of my "real" personality. In the parallel universe that has become my life my husband is the one telling me to believe the best in people to have faith in others and to "trust" more. For those of you who know Sam you are going "huh?" yes it is true. But I have gone into protective momma bear mode I feel like this paperwork sea in someone else's hands is jeopardizing my life and my children's future. Hence I have become hyper vigilant in warding off any potential slights.  For example, the other day we were at the Olive Garden, Sam's entire office closed to have a going away party for a group of us that are leaving. There are 5 families leaving to go onto other assignments. I practically ate the waiter for lunch. There were 7 tables 60 people and 3 waiters/waitress. Having 3 small children in tow not wanting a lunch time melt down I came supplied with small snacks and sat first ordered first, asked for seperate check etc. and expressed the need to bring the kids food ASAP. I was charming and smiley and on my best behavior. Well 1 hour and 2o minutes after ordering not even Salad ( yes the famous instant one there) or our appetizer arrived, and the other tables in our party  were already getting their orders despite ordering after us. I was not my usual subtle self although I did smile while I very coolly asked our waiter if there was a delay with the food because other tables who came after us had received their food and we still hadn't gotten an appetizer or salad. ( all we ordered was soup and salad and an appetizer) He could tell I was angry..... Which is good that was my point and when I am upset even in a nice voice I get the point across loud and clear and I make sure despite my smile my facial expression shows it. Sam says it is intimidating... I laugh at this I am ALWAYS polite and I smile.. ( come on I'm 5'1 how scary can I be?) Well despite my hushed tone and leaning into the waiter..... several at the table stopped talking and they looked at me..... I happened to be sitting at the table with most of Sam's supervisors. I felt bad but, at the same time I feel like a doormat sometimes..... I need to remind myself to pick and choose my battles..... Although I had a hungry 5 year old and 2 19 month old kids 2 hours past lunch in prime napping time. I had brought snacks ordered first and been clear about bringing the kids food. I still don't think I was wrong but, if I stopped conversation maybe I made the sign of a wave when a sign of a teaspoon was needed. However 5 minutes later the kids food came a salad finally came and our appetizer followed....2 hours after arriving at the restaurant..... and being seated. When we were leaving there were some really angry because food still hadn't arrived.

Sam and I are struggling in couple land right now we just aren't in sync. Which is fine we still love each other we just aren't functioning a a "Well oiled machine" status yet. Yet everyday I see signs that he loves me despite our bickering. All the really good  little things. Sam did several things for me with out being asked, he has tried patiently to listen, he has even daringly offered good advice ( although I would never tell him that :)) So why can't I "let it go?" Sam is no angel and a lot of this is 10 bad things to one good but I still see all the good which is excellent because I do love him and I do know this too shall pass. I ask myself is it him is it me? Is it this crazy paperwork lady who I would love to give a piece of my mind to? Why? Why do I worry about these random things? Why do I feel like a pessimistic person. Of course I am mad that I am pessimistic and angry so that makes it worse. My goal in the coming days is to let it go relax more and smile more and be more patient.  Poor Sam did have to listen to me on the phone.. I was telling him to tell paperwork lady  this or that basically I was telling her off to Sam.... and he listened the whole time which was sweet. I knew at one point he wanted to fall over with laughter at the fact that I told him when he went to talk to her he was to tell her that I disliked her intently. He jokingly asked if he should quote me on that and stifled his laugh.  I usually roll with the punches well why does this sea of paperwork..which is really nothing new I fill stuff out all the time it is the government after all. Why is it riffling me so.

This person who shall remain nameless simply because I feel like an old lady who spits when she speaks the name of a person she dislikes. This person is not pleasant and she is very lazy a pet peeve of mine to begin with. She is telling me what I can and can't do.....which is always ill advised with me. She quotes made up regulations and when I call her on that fact she gets indignant. We are not a good match, which is why I am having Sam handle dealing with her because I am about to go postal. I think that is it she is just the manifestation for laziness and incompetence...and she is unpleasant. All of that combined with the "you have to do this " attitude I would like to scream. How lame is it that this minor person is ruffling my feather so?

My goal is not to think of this paperwork delay this weekend to not get angry about it....to smile more and be my usual smiley zen like person who sees the good in everyone and  have faith.

this is a good example of where Sam and I balance each other out now I just hope my stubborn self can "give little" wish me luck.......

Truly from the edge of reason......

Four more years !  This past week Sam re-enlisted for another 4 years. This is part of the process to go overseas:)  We were so fortunate to have our good friend Major Barber-Mattew available for the re-enlistment. We were both so thrilled !!!!! I apologize the picture is so blurry I was far away and wrestling P. It Just made the whole thing special to have a friend re-enlist Sam. One step closer to going to Germany.

A sure sign of my stress level is the amount of knitting I have found time for and the alarming

 rate with which I am completing projects :) I completed this cute crown for S. The book the pattern is from is AlterKnits. This book is full of fun and unusual patterns made with unusual materials. The original pattern called for crepe paper but I knew I was knitting it for a little kid so I avoided fragile crepe paper and went for ribbon yarn I had left over from another project. I also used a whole mess of vintage buttons I had to embellish the crown. It totally came out different than I had imagined but it is wild and fun. P & S have so much fun running wildly about in it. S happened to be wearing a tunic today so between this funky crown and her jeans and top she looks like a California hippie :) . This is a sure sign that we have lived here to long. and to boot she loves gold sandals ! S is a total girlie girl it is sooo cute. P is just a ham and loves to make us all laugh he was wearing the crown in a million silly was getting so many laughs from S & I.

Our garage sale this past weekend went well I am so thrilled ! Finally purged items have truly left the house off to find their own adventures in the world.  I also believe that most of my emotional baggage is gone to but, this could be wishful thinking :) I'll keep you posted.

We are still buried in a sea of paperwork for this move and still dealing with the people there to "help" I use that term loosely... My mother told me if you don't have anything nice to say not to say anything at all.... I need to bite my tongue and remember that when dealing with these people before I go totally postal.....

I have to back pedal a bit because I think some found my post about honesty "scary" I did turn down an opportunity to volunteer for a group organization because our move date changed and was honest and it turned out just fine. To everyone trying to schedule "fun" time before we leave fear not I have "budgeted" our time and protected family and friends time because this is truly the most important thing. Fear not we have time !!! and spending time with those we love and adore does not stress us out it actually saves our mental sanity. So don't hesitate we would love to !!!!! and this is being 100% honest !!!:)

Some days we just want to bury our heads in our skirts and forget the world. I have had a lot of these moments in the last week. Then I remember all of  you who love and support me. The world doesn't seem so frustrating. I am truly grateful for all of you ! I am going to post another good line from The Last Lecture  because I the eternal optimist and the person who believes in the good of everyone on this planet need a reminder to have faith in people right now. Especially the people in charge of paperwork :) 

The last Lecture: " If you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you." -Jon Snoddy

" One thing that makes it possible to be an optimist is if you have a contingency plan for when all hell breaks loose."

So this week my mountain in this process is to remember I am an optimist who loves people.. I lost my way I know I will come back but, I need that reminder :)

Stay tuned still climbing mountains.....

Still trying to breathe even though some falling boulders have been tossed my way the last few days..... Still trying to remember this will all pass it will be ok DO NOT HYPERVENTILATE.... still trying to say this stress and hassle will be worth the trouble...... still trying to cope with the fact that a few random people who know nothing about us hold our future and our kids lives in their hands... still trying to find my zen moment and realize that while I think they are total incompetent morons who are insulting me and treating me like a child that I have to smile and play the game to get on with things....... still trying to live with 7 dish pack boxes  in my living room empty because we are in limbo will someday be out of the living room... still trying to accept I am not in control...... still trying to be a tough cookie and not have a meltdown over the insanity that is this process...... Yes still avoiding falling boulders while I am mountain climbing......

We all have mountains to climb

I have been trying to remind myself That each of us in our own little worlds have mountains we have to climb, some are daily some are a little longer. Sometimes life doesn't seem fair  and other times the puzzle pieces when turned seem to make sense. The great purge in some ways has ended and I am not as cheerful or as enlightened as I had hoped. I had such a cleaning "high" from a majority of the house and I procrastinated for so long doing the "study" and the hall closet. Aka the storage land 3/4 of our hidden life was in the closet our only closet to store things when you open the door it is like that silly cartoon where everything comes flying out at you. Yesterday it finally came down to it... I had to clean them there was nothing left.  Five hours several meltdowns and one frazzled moment I finished , just like that the purge ended. I did not however feel the satisfaction of "oh the house is ready" as I had anticipated. I felt anguish and frustration and today almost depression. I did get rid of several garbage bags. I just feel the panic now what if I didn't get rid of enough and yet I feel like we are down to the bare bones. I am just worried about "is it good enough". Which for a type A perfectionist control freak is not a good place to let your mind wander. I think this is why I don't feel the great satisfaction of a job well done. So this is the last mountain I have to climb I have to let go of that "is it good enough" baggage and it is a big hurdle. I need that piece of paper with our house hold goods weight on it saying "you did it this is your weight" to feel like I did what needed to be done. How silly am I ? I need the paper with the A grade to accept I really did my best. and that is what this whole thing boils down to really that last mental hurdle of Heather...... I have to accept for myself that I did the best I could and that it was the "right" thing. That is the thorny truth behind the baggage and the purge. Can I climb the mountain?

We all have challenges we face to some they seem small  for others it might be a huge mountain of life or death, but we all have to climb the mountain and survive. This is what character is built on how we handle the challenge laid before us great or small. 

I find my mind wandering to the book The Last Lecture  again a few quotes I feel apply for all of us today with our challenges

" That's  not something you can control so don't let it eat at you"

" Tenacity is a virtue"

" Brick walls are there for a reason they're not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something."

So no matter how grumpy I become today or tomorrow I must remember I am almost over this mountain, there will be a beautiful view when I reach the top and I have to get ready for the next mountain.

Six pairs of leather pants and the past.

The great purge continues both mentally and physically. While I was going through the garage I came across the wardrobe box where I was storing our heavy winter jackets, seemingly unnecessary in California. However remember the great snow of Sequoia.... I digress though. I found buried among the winter coats, Sam's chest x-ray's from his first 2 chest surgery's, six pairs of leather pants and a pashimie. ( see above pic of Sam and I at the Mardi Gras party I am wearing said leather pants and the pashimie) Now the x-rays were fun to think about since Sam has come so far it is like the surgery never happened, yet it was fitting they were found on our anniversary considering he had one on the 3 operations a month after we were married. The six pairs of leather pants I have to admit were all mine before kids. I know how many pairs of leather pants does one girl need and am I the kinda girl that would wear leather pants? The answer is yes ! To be fair 3 of the 6 were suede pairs black, brown and tan and I wore them a lot with sweaters in Montana where leather is big and the weather is cold. Two of the 6 were I admit wild moments in black and burgundy I wore in the clubs of Milwaukee, Montana and Seattle, to be fair I was 21-23 and I thought they made fashion sense at the time :)

Happily despite my recent weight gain ( the house and I are both on a diet) They all still fit. All of the featured pictures of Jenny, Chad,Sam and I are just a few of the good times I had in those leather pants :)   Yes on a side note I am the palest white girl ever hahahahaha Happily however I have come to my senses and parted ways with the leather pants; ok ,ok I kept 2 pairs the black and brown suede to wear with sweaters in Germany. One of the pairs of pants I wore out several times while Sam and I were dating so this is also fitting that they were found on our anniversary.

I found the box that had the cards from our wedding, an old high school yearbook and a side note on a paper was slipped in there about various questions we were asked in High school. One of the questions was about our clothes and hair. I had written that I had hoped I would have at least  2 different hairstyles....whew accomplished that haahahhaha. Hopefully the leather pants won't be held against me. I can't believe I am posting the pictures though that is even funnier!

( playing song "Realized" Colbie Cailat)

Now when going through papers I found My favorite picture of Sam and T ever !!! I mean a classic picture that makes me smile every time no matter what. The picture is when Sam and I were in Seattle with T it was shortly after Sam and I started dating. Sam and T look so much alike and little T is smiling and happy and so cute. Right now T is going through large struggles with his bi polar which of course is taking it's toll on all of us as a family there are days we feel ripped apart by his bi polar and sad , frustrated, anguished with the whole process and how it effects everyone day in and day out.  Especially pointed is how right now all Sam and I want is our old T back, happy and focused. This is the old and the new all mingled in we want T to grow and be a "normal" 10 year old and like any parent have bits of our little T in there. With bipolar there is a great deal of pain at times emotional pain at watching someone you love go through a really rough time just trying to live everyday things. As I said this is a great purge getting rid of all our old baggage to get ready for our new adventure. When I look at this old picture I see T for who he is not T with bipolar. T with a wide open future fun carefree adventures ahead I can't help but be filled with hope because of the happiness in both their eyes. I am glad I find these little reminders when I need them most. It in a way reminds me of all the positive potential in this world. I think each of us needs that reminder from time to time. No matter what the present we all had a fresh start at some time and we can look back on this to get perspective for the future. I am going to hope still for our T that the future is full of positive things and we can overcome all the baggage accumulated in between. If the house, my soul and our family can loose the baggage and start fresh overseas then why not T too?

So go look at those papers writings or pictures that make you smile and think of the clean slate that awaits us all every morning...... a good song to listen to would be "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

Happy Birthday !

Happy Birthday Sam !!!!! Yes, if you are thinking wait a minute yesterday was their anniversary... Yes Sam and I crammed a lot in three days. the 4th, our anniversary and then finally today Sam's Birthday !!!! This has been a busy year for Sam coming back from a deployment going on another and in between going TDY having fun doing what he loves to do. Sam has mentioned how excited he was about doing his job and being involved in documenting everything in Iraq. Sam has also taken bigger risks this year with his relationships with friends and family putting himself out there more. I hope that this coming year will bring Sam all the things he hopes for with his photography and that he has joy and happiness ! We love you !

Wedding's

Today is Our wedding anniversary. It is the season it seems in the last few weeks that many of my friends have celebrated their wedding anniversary's. I love wedding's. I think back to when Sam and I were married...we were married 6 weeks after becoming engaged. We were engaged , and Sam had a family reunion coming up that we were already flying home for. At the time we thought very practically and said why not get married when all of his family will be there? ! so we did. Then a few days after we had a reception in WI where all of my family was. I had wanted a big traditional wedding ...well as traditional as I get it would have had a modern flare. But at the time it wasn't practical Sam was having surgery the month after. We were moving 2 months later. We lived far away from family so short and sweet it was....after our wedding we went jet skiing. While over the years I have thought it would be fun to have a big wedding and renew our vows etc. I have to admit I waffle on that thought.

The more people I get to know the more of my friends who share their stories the more I realize that the longest, strongest and best marriages all started with a wedding that was small and simple or an elopement.  Last year when Sam and I went to the marriage retreat I have to say that one of the speakers had a point " ....it doesn't matter how the day starts, you are there together it is how you handle all the days , months, and years that follow."  So it really doesn't matter how "big" the day is just that you are both there ready willing and able to work at the rest of your lives together. I am at peace with out the big wedding , there have been so many moments since that have been "big" and memorable. I think of all of the moments that have made up our life together and I wouldn't trade one....even the moving.

My life with Sam is full of unexpected surprises all the time and it is so wonderful. Happy Anniversary to all my friends and Family. I know I am happy on mine and I wish the same for all of you:)

This year we are together and we did clean the garage as part of the great purge.....which wow was that a mess. Then Sam and I went out to dinner at a local place we like. The picture of the glasses is our original toasting flutes from our wedding...every year for our anniversary we drink out of them it is fun....even if Sam laughs every year and says " Oh no the box is going out with us again" He always smiles when we drink out of our toasting flutes :)

May all of us have another year of happiness in our marriages !

Honesty

This year my new year's resolution ( made in September of course) was to be more honest.

I have to start by mentioning that as a rule I am honest I am not a liar by nature even those white lies we have all thought about. I admire my friend Chad greatly because he is one of the most honest people I know. He says it like it is for better or worse without worry or concern just says it as it is. I on the other hand have this need for everyone to like me to think I am "perfect" and that I would never do or say anything that could possibly upset another. Have I upset other's you bet ( ask Sam) have I done or said things that others have disliked you bet. I don't live in a total dream world ( although my head does seem to be in the clouds at times) Am I horrified by the thought or notion you bet ya. I am always honest I just feel that there is a better way to communicate the truth, sometimes with the most honest sugar coating you can put on it. At times things are to ugly to sugar coat and that is that. Manners are extremely important to me also so I strive to improve mine all the time and I greatly appreciate them in other's ( it was the reason I went out with Sam he had excellent manners). That said I have tried to say it like it is more this year. I am direct and assertive but I wanted to be more like Jenny and Chad and Pauline and lay it out there with a sound of confidence without fear of what people would think of me.

Now I have to mention a side story here as a build up to the long sordid point of this lengthy post. I recently read the book  "The Year of living Biblical" by A.J. Jacobs which I highly recommend because it is absolutely hilarious. the jist a secular guy seeks to find out what religion is etc. by living the bible literally and I mean literally for a year....which included herding sheep in NYC.  A.J.  in one chapter explores the commandment to not lie....ever at all even for the sake of manners or feelings etc. and to arm himself with the guts to do it he has read another book about just saying it like it is and what is the worst that could happen. A.J. decided to test his theory or put the commandment to practice when he meets an old friend of his wife's. To his wife's horror he tells the woman that they won't call they don't have time and they can't even see the friends they have now. A.J mentions for good measure he likes his wife's friend he thinks she is great but the truth is they can't get to see their current friends enough so the chances of them calling are slim to none. Now his wife rightly so is ready to pelt him and her friend gives him a strange look ( the one we reserve for crazies we meet out in public). The truth is though he had a valid point, they didn't have the time yet in a polite farewell Julie ( his wife) says she'll call. We all do this and we all mean to call but, often times someone much to our dismay falls through the cracks.  I have to ask though if we all know there is a chance the other person won't call why do we say it ? Do we tell each other out of hope, kindness etc.?

I am not the type of person to say something and not mean it nor am I the type of person that would intentionally forget to do something so is this a lie? If I tell someone I will call and forget or get wrapped up in something unexpected is it a lie? I tend to think not because I really do mean to call this person and I always do even if it is months down the road. My honesty question comes in other polite moments. I will say something positive always because I am the Pollyanna at heart and believe that only positive things should be said. Now there are moments I would like to pipe up and say what the heck are you doing to someone but I don't because it either isn't my business or my opinion wasn't solicited. So am I being polite or lying? I mean what if all of us were so totally and utterly honest that we said it like it was whether a person wanted or needed to hear it. Would society break down?  Would any politeness be shattered and everyone miserable? Is being direct being too honest. There is a fine line we walk when we say to much or go to far and hurt another intentional or not. Does all of this fall into the honesty/lie category? I wish at times I could be black and white and less gray but the truth is I am a gray person. For the record before anyone panics I am always honest and if my opinion is asked for I will give it freely..and for those of you who have done this watched this or experienced this you know this to be very true.  See even now after all this I want to make sure everyone feels loved safe and secure:)

I had a conversation today where I was having the conversation because it was the right thing to do..... but, I really didn't want to do what I was being asked to do.  I was having the conversation because "I should" and saying yes because "I should". Sam called me on this again and said "Heather why? why do you do this you don't want to it is a hassle and we have no time, and yet you say yes to something you shouldn't?" This is where I wish I had Sam's ability to say no I can't because of time constraints to volunteering for one more thing for the kids. I'm a Mom is my defense I try to think it is one day or one week of my time then I can get back to what I need to do. So am I being Honest? This is one of those gray areas where I should have left it alone but, the group that asked for help for the kids needs help and it is for the kids..... Yet will they remember all the times I have said yes when I should have said no? Why are "I should's" still running my life. I will probably have Mom guilt forever but then don't we all?

The kitchen didn't get finished today I have 4 days to finish 3 rooms, and in between we have the 4th of July, our anniversary and Sam's birthday. Sam did not appreciate my very honest question of asking him if he wanted to clean out the garage on his birthday this year. I sweetened the deal telling him it would be more stuff that would be purged and we would be together! As many of you know Sam and I very lovingly love to joke that since we have been married we have spent only half of our anniversaries and birthday's together. It is awful to make him clean the garage on his birthday with me...... He didn't take to the idea well so I reminded him that my birthday was so horrible this year that I have to laugh at how awful it was.  Then I smile and tell him that cleaning the garage together doesn't see so awful does it?  3 big rooms 4 days......... I need to call on my catholic friends here ( very tongue and cheek) is there a Patron Saint for purging a house of accumulated stuff???? I know when Dave and Liz were selling their house they buried a saint upside down in the yard....and it worked . For the record you can actually buy these mini saints at hardware stores for the purpose of selling your house how cool is that??  Wish me luck..... and oddly if I end up cleaning a garage on my anniversary it wouldn't be the strangest activity I have done on a birthday or anniversary..... How funny is that. To my fellow military wives you understand this completely.

I have to give my answer to the organization tomorrow so wish me luck being honest with them... I have to say no I have come to the final time crunch countdown and this thing would be 4 days before our final out. I will be strong I will have boundaries I will not sugar coat it..... and I promised Sam I wouldn't apologize......although I may several times out of habit.

There is more to this than the move.....

I figured I have had my head buried in the move

lately in this blog so I decided to venture out and take a break from the great purge. In the

immortal words of fancy Nancy that is a fancy

way to say I am sooooooo procrastinating

further cleaning.

Well I did get 3 cup boards and a drawer sorted in the kitchen. I feel really good about it so far to, I have that cleaning high again :). More importantly H and I have been staying on task everyday with our summer study book. H can now read 31 sight words and he is writing his numbers up to 15, he can count higher this is just writing them. H is on fire we complete at least 10 pages in his workbook everyday; he loves to learn and he is like a man on a mission it is just amazing to watch. I am so excited for him ! So I have been delayed in the purge for a very worthy cause.

It is so hard to believe that this week is the 4th of July already it is so surreal !

The pictures featured today are from the area around Solvang we had a chance to be out among the vines in lovely weather, really ideal weather for outside. Sam and I enjoyed the beautiful scenery and weather.