Love

Love. Yes one word can be a sentence. Love is the basis of everything, relax before you walk away to puke or figure I'm insane. I have no less than eight friends in true relationship crisis, either they are in a divorce, post divorce or thinking about divorce. I have some dealing with the death of a spouse.

I once read an article (that was not very good) about a woman who had 4 friends divorce all at once. The one thing the article did raise was the question " How can I avoid comparing" now my take on her run down of her marriage: when every one's relationship is crumbling she wondered how can I save mine ? What do I need to look at here? To pull a page from my wise friend J's book. " I don't compare marriages I don't go in theirs and I don't expect them to be in mine." I agree with this. The only people in that relationship be it family, friend or marriage is the 2 people concerned. However as humans we are always stuck on love.

Shakespeare, you either love him or hate him. I get the language is cumbersome but, the reason I feel he is as relevant today as he was in his day. He captures the essence of humans and all their emotions in the raw form. Think about it. Love, how can we get it ? How to keep it, how to deal with the loss of it. Plays, books, sonnets, movies, and TV shows all revolve around it. The search, the loss, keeping it, relishing it. Really a majority of our "entertainment" world is about Love or some aspect of it.

Religion is about love on many levels no matter what religion you are…Yes even the atheist have love if only to love the fact they can be without religion. Country & Culture, love of a homeland or a people or a way of life, everyday mundane task show a love of societal norms. Work, some would say that is hate, no love of money, power, love of self, love of doing a job for others. Love of what you do or loving what you do as a job. Working to change the world, working for the love of achievement. Love has many forms and many faces and just like people it isn't always pretty. However is there really any emotion more powerful ?

Literature is full of Love themes the good the bad and the ugly ones of hope and inspiration and tales of sorrow and loss or betrayal and anger. But it is always there LOVE.

could we possibly say it is what defines humanity LOVE ? I say yes Love is what binds us all in one form or another.

In one discussion about divorce ( a friend in the middle of a messy nasty one) She asked me straight would I choose death or Divorce? Our mutual friends husband recently died unexpectedly. I have to weigh this question heavily. She is in pain, not suicidal but other divorced people tell her often that death would be easier to deal with because it is a quick clean cut. I would contest this argument as I have seen good & bad divorces but I have also known death and it is like comparing apples and oranges and death isn't always a clean cut. However I will give her that in the depth of her pain anguish & frustration a clean break versus a royal mess would look interesting.

I have always been driven by love it consumes me. I love life, I love people, I love the world and everything it. I love my family my children. I love to learn to listen and to experience. I love it all the good the bad & the ugly. I also throw myself head first into love which can cause problems of it's own believe me. I don't know how to not love with everything I have. This also causes problems.

I have no answer for her because I haven't been divorced. I have watched it happen gone through it with friends & family. It is hard it is painful even under the best of circumstances and the aftermath is messy. It takes a long time to heal from that. Death now I can speak about this I have experienced this very closely, there is no fear of the unknown here. I have seen it first hand literally holding the hand of many dying people witnessing that first hand. Not to be gory but having worked in the ER I have held people's brain matter in my hand I have held a beating heart while Doctors raced to save the person. Working on the ambulance I have been there and spoken to those dying and those coming back. I have seen it from a distance, helped friends and family through it. I have lost people who were my whole world to death. There is an aftermath to death that is unique and excruciating that is so entirely different from divorce that it is not to be compared. This isn't even apples & oranges this is apples and rocks. I have also watched people grieve long beyond when it is healthy and seen the lingering effects of a sudden death change a person forever.

Both death and divorce have their unique qualities that impact our views on life forever, but not in the same way.

What I do know is like anything in life there is a dark and a light side to Love and that I do believe that it is the foundation of humanity. The very thread in the tapestry of our essence that holds it together. Most of our life is living in love, with love, or seeking love, or healing love, or giving love or thinking about love.

I know that the love of family, friends and spirituality will carry my friends through their relationship challenges. Even though it isn't clear or obvious and even though it feels like they are losing love in fact they are loved by so many. Love will heal them in the end some may even find new love in their life through friends or work or in a different relationship.

I think about one of my favorite quotes from Ana Caram " It is the holes in the lace that render it beautiful"
Love is complex and infinite even with it's perfect flaws.
While we may not always see love in the way we would like, each of us is loved by our family & friends so very much and love is a blessing we all share together.