Come sit for a moment

It has been so long I had to log into everything, I can't remember when every second of everyday wasn't spent with worry, anger, frustration or angst. The journey was long.... literally and figuratively.

Adventure's were canceled, plans were changed, life was put on hold, days ran into weeks. moments flew in and out of days and weeks.

I can't help but ask how did we get here? I know the answers I do.

The flight was long, we were there for barely 72 hours and the flight back was long also.

I am filled with hope that things will move forward that healing will begin. I have something in a Doctor I haven't felt for a long time... faith.

I wonder if past mistakes have led me here. If I knew then what I know now would I have made different choices? Self doubt is something I don't wear well, feeling helpless I wear even worse.

I can't help but look back on everything and wonder where did it go wrong what happened, if I had been more diligent if I had payed attention, if I had known?

Welcome to parenthood, any parent has these moments related to large and small questions. It really is a parent thing part of the job description, that fine print that they never tell you to read carefully. You will stay awake filled with worry with large and small questions that have no answers, and there is no way to ever get them so learn to accept it and move on......

I am however at the same time filled with hope and optimism that all of my angst, all of the struggles the knowledge I was armed with prepared me for this moment. We finally have the help the T needs, we have finally found the right place to help him, the right place to solve this impossible situation. Help and assistance to navigate the situation back on course. People who get this, have seen this, understand this. I look forward to the rest, to the help, for T this is a chance to give him a clean slate to start new, to finally move forward in a real direction. All things worthwhile take effort great effort. This is a marathon not a sprint, and in the end the success however small will mean so much more because of the effort and struggle to find "normal".

Somedays it feels dark and twisted other days the light seems just ahead..... while Sam and I were taking care of T and we were in the states. H told me I had to go to the lobby fountain and make 3 wishes ( he knows 3 is my favorite number)

 One was for him for a bug vacuum ( my avid bug enthusiast) One for me and one for T and because of that they would all come true. Some days it's that simple we close our eyes and wish for our reality to change.... even simple wishes carefully managed can yield dreams coming true.....

so to keep it simple in times of chaos.... I went to the fountain and I made 3 wishes...

all I had were Euro coins so lets hope Euro coins still work in a US fountain.......

T is where he needs to be to be better this is a wonderful thing, Sam and I have a storm to weather back in Germany to get us to the next leg of this journey.

While chaos is swirling around us Sam and I are trying to be "normal" in the middle of it.....

I saw the sun, it was beautiful I forgot how awesome it feels to be warm in the sun.

I set foot in a Target ( with a Starbucks !!!!! jackpot !!! what could be better) to make picture prints for T.. I was there for a short time but I was there

I saw the sun and sat in warm weather.

Our journey is beginning to bring T to health and wellness

Our trip back to the states then back to Germany is over......

caught between so many worlds...so many unanswered questions..... 3 wishes were made let's hope they all come true.

we all have wishes, we all have troubles, struggles, challenges, things that want to make us hide under the covers and not get up....

Somehow we all figure out a way to get up face the day and get through it. We have to show up, we have to figure it out, we have no choice. Life goes on are we going to sit on a bench and watch it or are we going to dive in and tackle it?

The phrase " How do you eat an elephant?" I have heard so many times somedays it plays like a record in my head....... " One bite at a time"

So while this bench is pretty, and while I am waiting for the 3 wishes to come true, I am going to carefully manage the chaos to help those dreams a long no matter how large or small.

Spring is coming later this year, the challenge of winter is longer than planned......

Spring is coming.........