So tomorrow is my birthday, now I will tell you I have an issue with even numbers. So like when I turned 26,28,32, I almost died... last year should have been a great birthday it was my favorite number doubled..... it was terrible....even the weather interceded. I had plans to have a glass of wine and visit with Tina, the wind blew it rained and the power went out. Sam was deployed..... I can't think of how many years it has been since I have had a great birthday. Don't worry I won't be doom and gloom...I mean half the problem is my birthday is in February which is like the worst month of the year....the winter is hanging on in a death grip the sun hides, the holiday's are over it seems like forever until spring comes. Fear not I usually turn lemons into lemonade:) I have had some great birthday's, shared some fabulous laughs with some wonderful friends.
I have a very very strict policy on regrets. I don't have any not one ! It is true come what may good or bad I just have no regrets. I did the best I could at whatever time with what I had and that I know so why dwell on it. I know strange coming from a girl who buries the names of people on paper in the backyard as an exercise to let go of things..... Yes, it is true .
( insert laugh here) I know all of us conflicted piscians really....:) I may get angry but it is gone in a flash I don't hold grudges, forgive and forget.
This year as an even numbered birthday looms I have decided to reflect on jobs. Ok Strange I know but after all I have also set fire to names on paper in the back yard too......
When I was five, I was going to be a fashion designer married to a rock star.... I was however the organizer of "social gatherings " for the neighborhood. ( older kids might tell you I was a bossy girl in pig tails telling all the bigger kids what games we were going to play) seriously...... When I was 10 I was going to be a fashion designer in my spare time while I was a Nurse. ( I guess I was going to design the hospital scrubs.....all while touring with my rock star husband ) People it was the 80's cut me a break......I was a girl who danced and laughed and wore string barrettes and double neon colored belts with 4 pairs of socks in colors matching my wildly patterned outfits....which my Mother let me put together as practice for my fashion designing/nursing days.....I was excellent at art and got A's in reading and social studies. When I was 15, I was going to be in the peace corp, then become a famous Nurse who happened to be a bush pilot in Africa saving small children from disease. ( Notice I wised up by 15 and realized I needed to ditch the rock star husband)
As time went on I was going to be a Nurse with a plan to be a bush nurse in Africa ( piloting my own medicine plane) then work for the world health organization, and maybe the CDC then teach after retiring from that.... take my 3 kids around the world before becoming an ambassador to some country.
Now for those of you who know me well you know that life...as these things do... had other plans for me..... I am a goal girl.... I have to have a plan for these things..... other things hey fly by the seat of your pants .... When I listen to the song " Everybody Feel Free to wear Sunscreen" I have to laugh at the part where it says, so what if you don't know what you want now or at 40 ... " some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't know what they want to do with their lives"
Wether I agree or not is up to the mood of the day..... I know what I want ... I just want about 10 jobs to somehow work as one and "be perfect" Now that is Heather 5,10,15,30......
I want to plan events, especially weddings.....I want to travel all around the world and write books on travel and children's books, I want to teach, I want to work as a forensic anthropologist, I want to be a nurse with a pilot's license, I want to be a stay at home mom, I want to work for the World Health Organization, or the CDC, I want to be an ambassador...... I think that despite my extra candle tomorrow that I could still be it all..... I might be 60 before I get my PhD. ( I have to get my PhD. before 60 it is my deadline :) I will run a marathon before I turn 40.... also a deadline.... I have taught before...... I might live to be 100 in which case I have time to get this list done..... I might live to be 50... in which case I need to get started..... either way....why not live with possibility and work for it????
My question to anyone reading this....What did you want to be at 5,10,15, 30, 35, 45 , 50......? What wild ideas did you have for jobs, what are your secret wishes" to be when you grow up?" What will any of us be when we "grow up"?
Tomorrow I am going to pretend I am 10 not because I don't want to be my age.... I just want to make the wish on my birthday candle really exciting !
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