I Need a Plan

I heard a phrase today I liked " I need a plan, show me the plan " I love that idea. Well crazy Type A Heather enjoys those words, impulsive live in the moment Heather says forget it I want to toss the plan. So how again do we reconcile these conflicted pieces of ourselves ?

Sometimes we find some clear answers in common conversations with a stranger. I think of a story I heard about how people come into our lives sometimes for a short time or a brief moment or even a lifetime to teach us something, show us, or perhaps for us to teach them. I met a person yesterday and felt that in our casual conversation there were some reminders and life lessons hidden just for me. We wrangled with literature ( we both love books and had a mini book discussion) We talked about marriage relationships, religion, feminist, friends, parents, children, being self aware and finding contentment. I know a mouthful for a casual conversation, but really it was light and fun. we shared silly stories, some ideas about other things and talked about standards. It really was just fun however I couldn't help but review some long buried ideas. I love conversations about books it does reveal other thoughts and ideas but it also speaks of different perspectives and what we all take or bring to a table.

I have been grappling with my age this year...... the year of my discontentment. No not money not want for things more want for a depth to life and intellect and being where I want to be. I am tired of the question " what do you do " ..... I do nothing there..... I answered it..... really pour salt on a wound. I know I know I do more than that I just hate the question.

So while all of this casual conversation was going on I found, a portion of my missing self in there. I lived inside my own head spoke my own mind with out fear as I would have 10 years ago. I remember her the out spoken fearless one. I laughed, I spoke without worrying about who it would offend I was true to myself. I was told I am ageless, wise, and fun and my favorite self aware. I was I just needed a stranger to remind me.

Signs are everywhere I believe in symbolism or superstition, spirituality and fate, or whatever it is you call it. So Everyday I have friends whom I adore and love who send me messages to remind me of all of this and I am so grateful for that. I'm here sometimes on hold sometimes buried in the quagmire that is daily drudgery.... But I'm here the fearless one, who doesn't always wish to be the voice of reason, the responsible one.......with some luck one day I will see her clearly everyday all day.

Waiting, Catching up, and Moving Forward

I would love to give you an excuse as to why I skipped a whole month of posts......
I could give the excuse I was busy.....
I was depressed...
Things were complicated.....
I was so deliriously happy I forgot.....
I went off the wagon on my new year's resolution to take my vitamin each day......
I finally was fitted for the straight jacket making typing impossible.....

However as they say " the truth is stranger than fiction"

I was busy so first for the catching up.....
April brought a new puppy.... a Multipoo named Oliver to our lives.... I know I said no puppies no housebreaking..... but here we are with a puppy who I am trying to housebreak.... a fluffy white puppy that my boys and husband adore more than anything.... ( yes really you should see Sam with this tiny fluffy puppy) S doesn't hardly let him walk.....

Friends were married in the edge of hill country and Sam took their wedding pictures..... it was great to see friends and have fun....

The wildflowers bloomed in glorious colors as the legends of Texas Hill country spring came to life... and YES the legends are true and YES it is worth the drive and YES you will be awe struck by the beauty of rolling hills covered in wildflowers..... Of course as any true Texas family we found our patch on the side of the road and took our family picture... which will be mailed out when I send it over to be printed..... Hopefully I will send it out before winter..... H's Favorite were the Texas Blue Bonnet's, P liked the yellow ones best, S thinks the purple puffs are divine.... and T just thinks they are all annoying and itchy.... ( can you tell who is a teenager)

Reading awards, Cub Scouts, Bike riding, Science projects and school celebrations, Doctors appointments, abounded.....

There was a great trip to Galveston to the Gulf ( Before the spill) That truly was exciting and all of this could have and should have been blogged about.....

I actually watched a whole movie ( oh no still in broken parts over 2 days....) Remember Me which I thought would be bad but it is fabulous and a must see it is so interesting and human and I loved it so watch it if you get the chance......

which brings us to the waiting.......
I seem to be waiting on people, waiting on computers, waiting in offices, waiting for phone calls, waiting for well almost everything. I know there is a military phrase " Hurry up and wait" but that isn't it really. I often sit in traffic and wait and think of fabulous posts for the blog..... then I get home and life is there to distract.... I am often waiting in a line or at an appointment for T and I think of wonderful insightful posts......

I sit in bed waiting to fall asleep and make my list for tomorrow thinking of all of the things I want to blog.....
Sometimes I have to wait for my turn at the computer.... or wait for the computer to come home ( S stuffed to SD cards in the CD drive this month.. the apple guys were impressed she fit 2 in there.... I however was not impressed with the bill for her talents)

So sometimes I am here waiting to talk to you and share my thoughts and ramblings.... and I am excited because they are good.... and I end up waiting for the moment to get to here.......

So today we are moving forward..
I was waiting for a deal to finish to give myself permission to get the laptop to be mobile and write more and do more and finish my long to do list everyday..... well I am tired of waiting I am going to go mobile and claim the laptop.

Moving forward... I can't promise everyday even if I think of fabulous things to write everyday.....
I can't promise every post to be perfect..... although I want it to be
I am going to try to post once a week and share the stories and write more.....
I am not going to wait in line and waste a moment......
Like any Mom who is busy it seems I get lost in the shuffle and the what if monster comes out and I think I need something to hold on to...... I need to be heard... I need to wait until everyone is taken care of......

but really I need to do more for myself and be more of myself and share more of that.....

so moving forward I am going to post more every week at least.... and not skip a month again..... Oh an that new years resolution for the vitamin everyday I am making it so far ! who would have thought there was a challenge in that simple task.....
and despite P & S coming to ask me to play with something put something together and take apart something else..... a despite Oliver carrying off garbage or a toy or something he shouldn't twice..... 2 phone calls and 6 e-mails.... I did manage to get a post done so I am not going to wait for the perfect moment again....... that way you won't be left waiting on me to hear the strange thoughts of one crazy lady !

To all the other Mom's, women, friends and those who like me get sidetrack I say let May be your moving forward month and remember to do something everyday even small for yourself.