Dentist Day

So today was Dentist Day !!!! For those of you who know me well you know I am totally into teeth and I am anal about keeping them perfect....my dentists always comment on how enthusiastic I am about dental hygiene...... I have trained the kids to be excited about the dentist and brushing... so today was a big adventure.... Dentist Day !!!!! whooo hooo cleaning of the teeth goodie bags with toothbrushes and floss.... what could be better..... Ok I admit I am a bit more excited than the average Mom about taking 3 kids to the dentist......
The pediatric offices are always decorated so fun and here in Texas the dentist has an underwater theme like our dentist in California so the kids were all super excited.....
After the usual x-rays and inspections..... the polishing and cleaning....
I had three kids with clean teeth and excellent reports. All three kids were cavity free and had perfect teeth..... this makes for one really happy Mom.
All three kids had pictures taken by the dentist and all three left with goodies bags and a prize from the treasure chest..... however I have to admit I was probably the most excited of the bunch. I love the dentist !.......

Faith Love and Trust

We are all human... we all experience the same emotions... in different ways..... now the creative collection of expression that comes from us is really the zest of life.....

Have you ever noticed when you are having a terrible time with relationships...all you notice is how in love everyone is or how there is a couple everywhere you look.....

or when you are trying to have a baby everyone you know is pregnant but you.... ( NO NOT ME !!!!!!!)

well when your life is full of trails and transition and you think you have lost your faith in every single thing you ever held dear....... it seems everyone is on cloud nine and their life couldn't be anymore fabulous........

yes I have become a jaded recluse because transitioning is not as I would wish it to be......

At first my blogging slowed because I had technical challenges..... lack of computer lack of Internet lack of computer messed up Internet..... no computer..... blah blah blah.....

This past week I have had writers block...I want to write daily... I thought about a weekly post.... I like it just the way it is when I feel like it.... however I haven't written this week because how do you write with a positive spin on it all when you just want to scream ? .... How do you keep your blog from turning to a dark twisted path ? I am not jaded or cynical...so why then do I find it a daily struggle to fight it?

What if we said we gave up on everything and we would start with a clean slate? I mean what if we have lost faith in everything that was ourselves and we wanted to find a new path for our faith..... or just give up on it? Do we have enough in ourselves to love when it is near impossible to do so? How do you trust that this is just a bump in the road and tomorrow the sun will shine your faith will be restored and love will abound from your soul????

It really does come down to Faith love and , trust.........

I have several friends right now going through one thing or another.... I mean my life may seem all dark and twisted.... with no hope.. yet I am not watching a parent die, I have not lost a mother or father.... my children are not in trouble with the law...... I haven't lost my job.... I am not starting another move..... trying to get pregnant....... looking for the love of my life......
I am just trying to hold out another day and remind myself the Faith Love and trust will prevail....

For all of you out there going through all the same feelings in another setting, or life experience .. know you are loved.. Have faith that tomorrow will be better and trust that some solution will come...... Especially those of you who I know and love who have trouble believing in yourselves..... have Faith that you can do this... and that you are wonderful and loved.. that's why you have friends who adore you... Trust that when you need it to be there it will......

Now I am going to go and try to shake this and take my own advice :)

Misadventure's at the lake.....

They have become the stuff of legend's around our house... "Heather's adventures" meaning I have put together another family weekend getaway outing...... Sometimes Sam rolls his eyes.. other times I get a million questions..and once my mother pulled the plug on one...... I used to fly by the seat of my pants and take off where I felt like it with no worries about what would be there I would figure it out.. This worked really well..... Then I met Sam who needed a plan and a minute by minute itinerary....... eventually I got the hang of it.... Then I started to like it..... I would plan... and I would anticipate everything I could possibly imagine and plan accordingly.... I lived the boy scout motto...... Most trips turn out fabulous..... some trips ...well..... even I have to laugh at my luck for having something go awry that could only have a one in a million chance of happening......
Because this summer has been nothing but transition I decided to go ahead and plan a trip for the kids.... something fun a quick to at least try to squeeze something summer like and normal into our insane life......Now T has been home only since the 1oth so there had to be room for that transition..... which is Nothing like I had anticipated........ then there are the twins who are still little..... and Nan ....... and of course it had to be between appointments for T...... unpacking and settling in......

Canyon Lake is about 45 minutes from our house..... more like 30....... and there is a military recreation facility there...and instead of tent camping I thought I would find out what "camping shelters" would entail........ Yes they had enough beds... bunk beds even for kids..... they are right at the lake...... they have a mini fridge...and a microwave....a bathroom...... a rustic cabin feel....... so I figured why not we'll try it for a night. The kids will swim we could rent paddle boats for the lake there is a beach to swim and we would have a clean dry fun place to "camp"....after asking what I thought was all the information.. ...we set off. Like I made sure to pack towels and sheets and for the right size beds.... because you have to bring you own things... I packed the cooler and all the beach stuff... I remembered the chairs because I figured there would be a picnic table but just in case there wasn't I would have chairs...... spare clothes...sunscreen and all the necessities.........

We took off for the lake full of hope for summertime fun... and to escape all the gardening in our yard and the wretched fire ants that had been eating me alive..........I remembered to bring things to entertain the kids and I stashed a few games for later while we made smores....... I even knew there was a fire ban so we would be making microwave smores but sitting outside under the stars to eat them........ I remembered the worksheet to help T........ and spare clothes....... extra beach shoes........ and everyone stuffed somethings and blankets.......
We arrived to find out that check in was 2 hours later ( the lady gave me check out time for check in.....)

Now my first sign that the day might go awry should have been that in the morning...after my shower the twins tripped me and I toppled out the shower door and took off part of my toe on the door.... yes the same toe that had been broken and purple from the suitcases... The one that had barley healed..... was now dripping blood and purple again....... one minor moment pressing on....

Maybe I should have heeded the weather man who said it was going to rain ( it has rained once since we arrived for 5 minutes)......or that for the 23rd day in a row our temperatures would be 102.........

Now I pressed on looking for cool summer fun for the kids who have been moving since eternity........
So since we arrived early and couldn't check in I said we'll go rent a paddle boat until our room was ready...... poor Nan was sick from the heat....... P had to go to the bathroom S fell and scraped her knee...... and I realized I forgot to pack T's meds.......was this enough to abandon ship.... no we pressed on ...after and hour struggling to change into swim suits in the tiny out house bathrooms.....ok they had sinks and they had regular toilets but the door barley closed because the stalls we small and lacked locks....... so after 6 trips to wash hands..... ) P is in an OCD hand washing phase and who am I to discourage) and 7 trips to use the bathroom ( 4 kids + 2 toddlers potty training).... one missing swimsuit.....and a second sunscreen application....... an hour flew by quickly....... Due to Nan being sick and Mom needing Nan to paddle one boat..... paddle boats were out...so off to the beach....... now I should have planned better knowing that we were in stage 2 water restriction that the lake might be lower than usual..........
The lake was so low there were huge boulder exposed.....and you could walk to the edge of the swim area in hip level water........ no worries it just meant my kids had more space to play and shallow water to keep track of them....... Now after hauling 4 bags of beach stuff to the lake from our car..... while holding the twins hands....... I settled in for that summer fun......... I laid out the towel ( which P poured sand on right away...) I set out all the beach toys..... and the kids were off to play in the water. S was fearless splashing and giggling and having fun....... P sat down to play in the sand and T & H were already google clad and splashing in the farther area of the swimming "pond"........ I was popping up the twins sun shade...... taking all of the stuff out..... when.....

"Mommy owe owe".... P had sat on a fire ant hill 2 inches from the edge of the water.......Now mind you there were at least 100 people here at the lake on this little beach..all playing and having fun........ we were at the ant hill...... poor P was bitten in an area no one should have a bite...... several dunks in the lake and some ice......... cuddles and a check up.... P was back to the water he didn't want to play in the sand..... S fell and cut herself on a rock... T slipped off a rock and got his nose wet and had a panic attack......... was this enough to turn back....... no ........
The kids did have fun and when the commotion settled they swam and splashed and laughed for 2 hours...... just a day at the beach...... with fire ants and muddy silty water from low water levels.............
Finally sensing the dinnertime meltdown approaching I rallied the troops...... to leave... I packed the 4 bags, blotting the bleeding knees....... applied cream to the ant bites and loaded the car..... I even refereed a fight over clam shells..............

We drove back to the front got the keys and drove back to the camping shelter............. There were suppose to be 2 full beds and a set of bunk beds...... there were bunk beds and a twin bed...... and silly me I figured that if there was a sink, a mini fridge and microwave there might be a cupboard with plates....... of course the one thing I forgot to ask about they didn't have...... We had food and a roll of paper towels no cups plates or silverware...... no problem... we had planned to dine out anyway.... I was trying to keep our getaway simple and fun......

Into the car...... and ....... FLAT TIRE !!!!!! I have never had a flat tire...... ok that isn't true once when I was 16 in my driveway..... my Dad and brother changed it for me...... no worries I now have a cell phone for just this instance..... my arc Nemesis ( the cell phone) was about to earn it's keep ..... At one time we had 3 roadside services.. our insurance, AAA, and Toyota......... well Toyota's expired with our warranty..... which we didn't hear about because we were in Germany and our mail has not caught up with us ( I am getting bank statements from February only now).... I canceled AAA when we went to Germany........ and we switched insurance companies..... our new card arrived for the new company but none of the policy information...and I had only gotten the name and number a few days ago..... Sam forgot to give it to me before he left... and I left before him.... to get T....... so here it is dinner time with 4 wet hungry kids.... a sick Nan...... in 102 degree heat in a rural area...with a flat tire......
No worries I can do this..... I sent sick mom and 3 kids to eat hot dogs in the "cabin" with paper towels... and juice boxes and snack for an army...... I began dismantling the car to get the jack out..... I can do this right I have a manual...and it is pretty straight forward right.........

Every kid has a moment where they realize their parents are human and not super hero's...... H who is 6 discovered that Mom is not wonder woman......
I couldn't get the jack out and after 20 minutes of fighting it I finally did... while bruising my hand..... it has 6 parts to it and no manual...... I could not figure out how to put it together.... did I cry no did I get mad no...... I stayed calm...... and used my cell phone again.. I called a service asked for a name and had to wait 45 minutes for a "guy" to come change my tire....... now the sun is beating down..... but storm clouds are gathering the wind is blowing the dust....... and while I was sitting on the ground trying to figure out where to put the car jack...... I sat in a fire ant hill..... I now have fire ant bites where a girl shouldn't........ H was there watching the whole scene..... I didn't get mad I didn't cry...... I just couldn't figure out the car jack......

I have driven bull dozers... found my way out of the woods..... survived on a glacier... rock climbed.....and done many other very daring things...I have pushed a car myself in heels in the rain...... I have braved all sorts of awful things...... and yet here I was in the middle of nowhere about to cry because I couldn't change my own tire..... I am a handy gal I know how to build furniture.... use power tools..... fix most things..... I can't put a car jack together..... I wanted to cry but I didn't..... how totally stupid I can't change a tire..... I should be able to do this after all I can read I can figure most things out...........
H looks at me heart broken and says....." Mom you don't know how to fix the tire? How come YOU can't change the tire ?"... it wasn't what he said it was how he said it.....and the long pause afterwards..... the walking away...... he sat on a rock and just looked at me...... that look every parent dreads..... the " my Mom can't fix everything that goes wrong in the world" look...... This is when I cried...... I sat down on the rock too...... I tried to stop crying and put a positive spin on it explaining that we all have things we are good at and that some things should be fixed by experts... The Man that was coming to change the tire did this all day and knew about tires.... I even said I wouldn't do brain surgery because I am not a brain surgeon...... explaining we all have jobs...... however it fell on deaf ears because H was up looking at me and started shouting "Mom !!! Mom!!!! you are covered in ants quick run !!!!!!" As if running would repel the millions of fire ants now crawling all over my ankles and feet.......... The fire ants are going to kill me I swear.........

I now have cankles.... thanks to the number of swollen pustule ant bites on my feet and ankles....... yes my pustules have pustules....... I don't ever think I will look human again... did I mention that as I was swatting fire ants off of my feet and ankles....... that a few hitched a ride and I have ant bites in my hair... and on my neck............

45 minutes later the nicest "guy" came to change my tire.........he was friendly and kind and had typical Texas gentleman manners...... Plus he wore a cowboy hat and spit chewing tobacco...... I think he sensed my exasperation at not being able to change my own tire... Because he told me that last week he was changing one on a Cadillac SUV and a 300 pound man lifted the car onto the jack for him while he changed the guys tire...... because the car jack had broken..... ( at least he could get his together).........

I found out it was better I hadn't figured out how to put the jack together because my car jack was part of a recall...... They tended to bend or snap when used........ Nice we missed the noticed while in Germany..... and the Toyota dealer there didn't know about the recall because they don't even issue the things there........... nice...... This all should have made me feel better.... but it didn't......

70 dollars later... I had a spare tire on the car a million fire ant bites, a crying 6 year old...... Nan was really sick, S had cut her knee and was bleeding... H had tripped and was bleeding... P had fire ant bites that were blistering........ and dirt fell out of the bunk beds when the kids crawled up into them...... not a little dirt......a lot........ Nan said no more.... H wanted smores P wanted his room and S was tired........ so I packed up the car......

I opened the back door to load...... the flat tire came flying out at me........ Tire back in car stuff crammed in car and 4 kids piled into the car..... we started the drive home.......

Once home ... I unpacked started laundry showered kids... mended cuts.. placed band aids...... applied remedies for fire ant bites........ and read stories... hugged and kissed kids....... then I thought about crying...... but I was too tired..and I still needed a shower ( to rid myslef of mud sand and meat tenderizer....).....

This is the end of the quick " easy" trip to the lake for summer fun............
Have I lost my touch? Why have my last 2 trips gone so awry? Of course Sam is unreachable for the next 2 weeks because he is in the woods at survival training........eating rabbits......

I think we'll pass on anymore lake trips......... I want to take the kids down to the gulf ( 1 hour 45 minutes away) Do I dare?.... How do we have faith when everything seems to go wrong? is it really about timing as Sam says.........Transition...... The year of Transition........and the fire ants.......

This morning the kids talked about how fun it was to go swimming so happily I think they had fun..... or they were trying to make me feel better.....

Transition.....

I have been away so long it is almost like starting over, which is interesting because that is the theme of my life....... I wish I could tell you that the transition has gone smoothly or that everything is rainbows and butterflies........ However this would make for a much less interesting read and we know that just isn't how things go here. We have had what seems like the endless move...... 3 flights, 3 trucks...... 3 months and finally we are unpacking again. Lats year I spent my anniversary cleaning out the garage to move...... This year I spent my anniversary cleaning the garage to organize moving again......Just about the time I felt like I was living in the present instead of waiting for the future...... Sam left again for another of many TDY's ...... and the hiccups to settling in started cropping up on a daily basis.......Some days it is as if we are in a whirlwind watching everything calm and undisturbed around us...... other days I wonder when the next storm is going to arrive. I can say this past year... has been all about transition......
We have moved twice in one year.... We have seen T's diagnosis change and T come and go from a treatment facility....... H has had 3 schools in 2 states and another country...... P & S have started to talk and moved forward.......

right now we are in a state of transition again... T has returned home ...which is wonderful and yet brings new challenges to our house..... T has to learn to live with us again and try to navigate being in a different place...... an extreme challenge for someone battling Bipolar and Asperger's...... I know all of us are so happy to have him home and we are glad to all be in the same location again...... well almost ( in typical fashion one of us is gone... Sam is off at a training)....... Home again to be loved and share in all of our family adventures and to settle in to being loved in a home environment........ however some moments it feels as though nothing has changed and the same challenges are still there...other moments there is a refreshing change that brings hope for all of us........

Moving back has been good there are services here for T that are necessary for his daily life..... however navigating the unknown and struggling through the transition of a new place makes me miss my friends in Germany........ and wonder what could have been.....

All of us go through transition on a daily basis sometimes small like going from work to home...and sometimes large like learning to live without someone we love.......I often wonder if transition will ever be a simple process? holding on to hope and our faith is important....... how long can we hope and struggle? When do we say we give up? When to we embrace change and all of it's possibility.......

I have smiled and laughed I have bought a house, found some friends and anticipate the excitement of the coming months....... but sometimes I wonder when will the waiting end and when will "life" begin? ....Instead of always being in transition?

The purple toes healed...... however...... the day we went to the lake to camp.. the twins tripped me coming out of the shower ( a glass/metal door) and the purple toes are now purple again..... so even toes have to go through transition to get to there "normal" life......