I Need a Plan

I heard a phrase today I liked " I need a plan, show me the plan " I love that idea. Well crazy Type A Heather enjoys those words, impulsive live in the moment Heather says forget it I want to toss the plan. So how again do we reconcile these conflicted pieces of ourselves ?

Sometimes we find some clear answers in common conversations with a stranger. I think of a story I heard about how people come into our lives sometimes for a short time or a brief moment or even a lifetime to teach us something, show us, or perhaps for us to teach them. I met a person yesterday and felt that in our casual conversation there were some reminders and life lessons hidden just for me. We wrangled with literature ( we both love books and had a mini book discussion) We talked about marriage relationships, religion, feminist, friends, parents, children, being self aware and finding contentment. I know a mouthful for a casual conversation, but really it was light and fun. we shared silly stories, some ideas about other things and talked about standards. It really was just fun however I couldn't help but review some long buried ideas. I love conversations about books it does reveal other thoughts and ideas but it also speaks of different perspectives and what we all take or bring to a table.

I have been grappling with my age this year...... the year of my discontentment. No not money not want for things more want for a depth to life and intellect and being where I want to be. I am tired of the question " what do you do " ..... I do nothing there..... I answered it..... really pour salt on a wound. I know I know I do more than that I just hate the question.

So while all of this casual conversation was going on I found, a portion of my missing self in there. I lived inside my own head spoke my own mind with out fear as I would have 10 years ago. I remember her the out spoken fearless one. I laughed, I spoke without worrying about who it would offend I was true to myself. I was told I am ageless, wise, and fun and my favorite self aware. I was I just needed a stranger to remind me.

Signs are everywhere I believe in symbolism or superstition, spirituality and fate, or whatever it is you call it. So Everyday I have friends whom I adore and love who send me messages to remind me of all of this and I am so grateful for that. I'm here sometimes on hold sometimes buried in the quagmire that is daily drudgery.... But I'm here the fearless one, who doesn't always wish to be the voice of reason, the responsible one.......with some luck one day I will see her clearly everyday all day.