Honesty

This year my new year's resolution ( made in September of course) was to be more honest.

I have to start by mentioning that as a rule I am honest I am not a liar by nature even those white lies we have all thought about. I admire my friend Chad greatly because he is one of the most honest people I know. He says it like it is for better or worse without worry or concern just says it as it is. I on the other hand have this need for everyone to like me to think I am "perfect" and that I would never do or say anything that could possibly upset another. Have I upset other's you bet ( ask Sam) have I done or said things that others have disliked you bet. I don't live in a total dream world ( although my head does seem to be in the clouds at times) Am I horrified by the thought or notion you bet ya. I am always honest I just feel that there is a better way to communicate the truth, sometimes with the most honest sugar coating you can put on it. At times things are to ugly to sugar coat and that is that. Manners are extremely important to me also so I strive to improve mine all the time and I greatly appreciate them in other's ( it was the reason I went out with Sam he had excellent manners). That said I have tried to say it like it is more this year. I am direct and assertive but I wanted to be more like Jenny and Chad and Pauline and lay it out there with a sound of confidence without fear of what people would think of me.

Now I have to mention a side story here as a build up to the long sordid point of this lengthy post. I recently read the book  "The Year of living Biblical" by A.J. Jacobs which I highly recommend because it is absolutely hilarious. the jist a secular guy seeks to find out what religion is etc. by living the bible literally and I mean literally for a year....which included herding sheep in NYC.  A.J.  in one chapter explores the commandment to not lie....ever at all even for the sake of manners or feelings etc. and to arm himself with the guts to do it he has read another book about just saying it like it is and what is the worst that could happen. A.J. decided to test his theory or put the commandment to practice when he meets an old friend of his wife's. To his wife's horror he tells the woman that they won't call they don't have time and they can't even see the friends they have now. A.J mentions for good measure he likes his wife's friend he thinks she is great but the truth is they can't get to see their current friends enough so the chances of them calling are slim to none. Now his wife rightly so is ready to pelt him and her friend gives him a strange look ( the one we reserve for crazies we meet out in public). The truth is though he had a valid point, they didn't have the time yet in a polite farewell Julie ( his wife) says she'll call. We all do this and we all mean to call but, often times someone much to our dismay falls through the cracks.  I have to ask though if we all know there is a chance the other person won't call why do we say it ? Do we tell each other out of hope, kindness etc.?

I am not the type of person to say something and not mean it nor am I the type of person that would intentionally forget to do something so is this a lie? If I tell someone I will call and forget or get wrapped up in something unexpected is it a lie? I tend to think not because I really do mean to call this person and I always do even if it is months down the road. My honesty question comes in other polite moments. I will say something positive always because I am the Pollyanna at heart and believe that only positive things should be said. Now there are moments I would like to pipe up and say what the heck are you doing to someone but I don't because it either isn't my business or my opinion wasn't solicited. So am I being polite or lying? I mean what if all of us were so totally and utterly honest that we said it like it was whether a person wanted or needed to hear it. Would society break down?  Would any politeness be shattered and everyone miserable? Is being direct being too honest. There is a fine line we walk when we say to much or go to far and hurt another intentional or not. Does all of this fall into the honesty/lie category? I wish at times I could be black and white and less gray but the truth is I am a gray person. For the record before anyone panics I am always honest and if my opinion is asked for I will give it freely..and for those of you who have done this watched this or experienced this you know this to be very true.  See even now after all this I want to make sure everyone feels loved safe and secure:)

I had a conversation today where I was having the conversation because it was the right thing to do..... but, I really didn't want to do what I was being asked to do.  I was having the conversation because "I should" and saying yes because "I should". Sam called me on this again and said "Heather why? why do you do this you don't want to it is a hassle and we have no time, and yet you say yes to something you shouldn't?" This is where I wish I had Sam's ability to say no I can't because of time constraints to volunteering for one more thing for the kids. I'm a Mom is my defense I try to think it is one day or one week of my time then I can get back to what I need to do. So am I being Honest? This is one of those gray areas where I should have left it alone but, the group that asked for help for the kids needs help and it is for the kids..... Yet will they remember all the times I have said yes when I should have said no? Why are "I should's" still running my life. I will probably have Mom guilt forever but then don't we all?

The kitchen didn't get finished today I have 4 days to finish 3 rooms, and in between we have the 4th of July, our anniversary and Sam's birthday. Sam did not appreciate my very honest question of asking him if he wanted to clean out the garage on his birthday this year. I sweetened the deal telling him it would be more stuff that would be purged and we would be together! As many of you know Sam and I very lovingly love to joke that since we have been married we have spent only half of our anniversaries and birthday's together. It is awful to make him clean the garage on his birthday with me...... He didn't take to the idea well so I reminded him that my birthday was so horrible this year that I have to laugh at how awful it was.  Then I smile and tell him that cleaning the garage together doesn't see so awful does it?  3 big rooms 4 days......... I need to call on my catholic friends here ( very tongue and cheek) is there a Patron Saint for purging a house of accumulated stuff???? I know when Dave and Liz were selling their house they buried a saint upside down in the yard....and it worked . For the record you can actually buy these mini saints at hardware stores for the purpose of selling your house how cool is that??  Wish me luck..... and oddly if I end up cleaning a garage on my anniversary it wouldn't be the strangest activity I have done on a birthday or anniversary..... How funny is that. To my fellow military wives you understand this completely.

I have to give my answer to the organization tomorrow so wish me luck being honest with them... I have to say no I have come to the final time crunch countdown and this thing would be 4 days before our final out. I will be strong I will have boundaries I will not sugar coat it..... and I promised Sam I wouldn't apologize......although I may several times out of habit.