Six Months and 10 days

We have officially lived here in Germany for six months and 10 days.......

In that time we have struggled, adapted, laughed, cried, traveled, adventured......

We are being sent home before our expected time here.......

Things I have come to love..and will miss.....

Safety.... things here are very safe despite the size of the city, and the kids can wander a little more freely.....

The wine..... you can get wine from all over the world, and despite the rumors yes California and French wine does share shelf space in Europe..... You can even buy wine at a children's park....you can buy wine and wander the streets with it.... No I really don't drink wine anymore than once a month but still it is good when I have it....

Re-Usable bags..... they are fun and handy and I have come to love shopping with them....

The Schlossplatz.... I have spent many Saturday's there sampling locally grown veggies...enjoying stores, and treasures

 and just riding the trains.........I will miss the trains

I will miss the Travel

I will miss that even going to the market is an adventure because I am somewhere different.....

I have finally learned to identify signs and products in German, I can order almost everything I need in German... I can even have pleasant greetings and perform transactions in a store in German...... of course wouldn't you know it about the time I begin to learn I have to leave ... it is funny....

I will miss traveling to another country on a whim.... and trying to visit a new one each month... I didn't get to a new country this month because T needed to be taken care of.....

 which has been the longest journey the past six months. We are excited to get him help and get situated where ever we may land I am glad that for him the healing has begun.....If Germany has led us to the right help for T then the struggles were worth it.

On the flip side things I can't wait to have back in the states and things I won't miss.....

paying 1 Euro to use a cart......

struggling to find parking and crawling trough the sunroof to get out because they are tiny tiny spots......

Target and Hallmark........Here I come

six months..... it has flown by it seems like 3 I have posted a picture at least from each month..... from fall in France 

to winter in Germany 

to switzerland, 

and the Eiffel tower......

The crown Jewels of Baden-Wurrtenburg... 

To painted doorways

 and ancient stones.... Notre Dame...

 To Salzburg 

 and it's charms

Stuttgart and all it has..... Despite our short time here I feel like we have gotten out and explored.... we have seen and done things some only dream of... and for that I have to say I am thankful.....Still no word on the hows whys or when we will be leaving or going so until then we'll try to look in our own backyard for adventure

 and see what the world is offering..... Opportunity around every corner......Prost to six months and what the future will hold.....

One Saturday

I know I have been gone.........

It has been near impossible to bring myself to be creative and lively. The weather here is so gloomy, even the winter birds are hiding...... It has snowed, rained, or hailed for seven days straight. I am beginning to wonder if spring will ever come. Which brings us to the topic at hand , which is really patience. I have little, ok that is a bit extreme patience is not my strong suit. Now some would argue that is completely wrong I have more patience than anyone they know . Thank you and yeah  I am improving in some areas. Some would argue that I have never had any, which is a bit much I do have some....... Seriously though. We are waiting and waiting and waiting, waiting to hear when we will move, where we will move. They tell us at least 4 weeks, really and the daily calls to pester don't change the answer. I dislike waiting living in limbo, we can't move forward here because we are leaving and on standby, we can't prepare because we have no answers, we can't look forward because we have no answers. Did I mention the sun hasn't shined in seven days either......

Now before you or I despair, I have to say there was a silver lining one saturday......

One Saturday it was possible to find a secret hideaway right here in Stuttgart.....

Where you ask?......

Sensapolis !

In this place there are so many exciting things, the perfect place to imagine far away kingdoms,

 animals of the forest,

 aliens in space, and how fast to the bottom of a slide.......

The perfect hiding place from gloomy rain and snow.......

There is a spaceship for those who like really faraway places, where you can live like an alien travel through space tunnels ride noisy metal slides to galaxies where aliens and pirates are side by side.....

This place where books can fly,

 husbands can be king,

 and the bathroom floor is full of sparkly jewels........

One can forget the gloom with super slides and mazes, science facts and quizzes......

I have to say you can even go and play in a pool of stimulating water, with boats and games galore......

There is the tree house where the pirate ship ends..... where a dragon has become a slide 

and foam balls fly through the air........

 There are Royal balls to dance at, halls to roam,

 tunnels to crawl through and an endless amount of stairs that lead to places I can't even describe because the colors and objects defy the senses......

For one gloomy Saturday we found a silver lining right in our own backyard.....What does this mean........

Well what are we waiting for? Our real life to start? The moment to be right? The planets to align or the sun to come out?......even spring to arrive.......?

We have never had "time" to go because we were always planning or taking grander adventures, we had planned to go it was on our list.........

It is time to live in the moment if that is all that is possible then that is what to do.....

When waiting makes you crazy, and you are stuck in limbo, and you have very little patience for this....... Then the thing to do is find all of those small things on your list to do....

You can do in the moment things, even if they don't help change the big things. They remind you that life is now and that every moment does count and some gloomy Saturdays it is best to laugh and run and use your imagination......... Then you find that silver lining that makes everything worth the wait.......

Go to your closet, and find your list of things to do..... slip on your imagination...... 

and just go have fun... play, laugh live in the moment......

Come sit for a moment

It has been so long I had to log into everything, I can't remember when every second of everyday wasn't spent with worry, anger, frustration or angst. The journey was long.... literally and figuratively.

Adventure's were canceled, plans were changed, life was put on hold, days ran into weeks. moments flew in and out of days and weeks.

I can't help but ask how did we get here? I know the answers I do.

The flight was long, we were there for barely 72 hours and the flight back was long also.

I am filled with hope that things will move forward that healing will begin. I have something in a Doctor I haven't felt for a long time... faith.

I wonder if past mistakes have led me here. If I knew then what I know now would I have made different choices? Self doubt is something I don't wear well, feeling helpless I wear even worse.

I can't help but look back on everything and wonder where did it go wrong what happened, if I had been more diligent if I had payed attention, if I had known?

Welcome to parenthood, any parent has these moments related to large and small questions. It really is a parent thing part of the job description, that fine print that they never tell you to read carefully. You will stay awake filled with worry with large and small questions that have no answers, and there is no way to ever get them so learn to accept it and move on......

I am however at the same time filled with hope and optimism that all of my angst, all of the struggles the knowledge I was armed with prepared me for this moment. We finally have the help the T needs, we have finally found the right place to help him, the right place to solve this impossible situation. Help and assistance to navigate the situation back on course. People who get this, have seen this, understand this. I look forward to the rest, to the help, for T this is a chance to give him a clean slate to start new, to finally move forward in a real direction. All things worthwhile take effort great effort. This is a marathon not a sprint, and in the end the success however small will mean so much more because of the effort and struggle to find "normal".

Somedays it feels dark and twisted other days the light seems just ahead..... while Sam and I were taking care of T and we were in the states. H told me I had to go to the lobby fountain and make 3 wishes ( he knows 3 is my favorite number)

 One was for him for a bug vacuum ( my avid bug enthusiast) One for me and one for T and because of that they would all come true. Some days it's that simple we close our eyes and wish for our reality to change.... even simple wishes carefully managed can yield dreams coming true.....

so to keep it simple in times of chaos.... I went to the fountain and I made 3 wishes...

all I had were Euro coins so lets hope Euro coins still work in a US fountain.......

T is where he needs to be to be better this is a wonderful thing, Sam and I have a storm to weather back in Germany to get us to the next leg of this journey.

While chaos is swirling around us Sam and I are trying to be "normal" in the middle of it.....

I saw the sun, it was beautiful I forgot how awesome it feels to be warm in the sun.

I set foot in a Target ( with a Starbucks !!!!! jackpot !!! what could be better) to make picture prints for T.. I was there for a short time but I was there

I saw the sun and sat in warm weather.

Our journey is beginning to bring T to health and wellness

Our trip back to the states then back to Germany is over......

caught between so many worlds...so many unanswered questions..... 3 wishes were made let's hope they all come true.

we all have wishes, we all have troubles, struggles, challenges, things that want to make us hide under the covers and not get up....

Somehow we all figure out a way to get up face the day and get through it. We have to show up, we have to figure it out, we have no choice. Life goes on are we going to sit on a bench and watch it or are we going to dive in and tackle it?

The phrase " How do you eat an elephant?" I have heard so many times somedays it plays like a record in my head....... " One bite at a time"

So while this bench is pretty, and while I am waiting for the 3 wishes to come true, I am going to carefully manage the chaos to help those dreams a long no matter how large or small.

Spring is coming later this year, the challenge of winter is longer than planned......

Spring is coming.........

Bugs, Borders, and a Medical mess

Due to the craziness that has become our life...... I realized that I didn't get to post pictures of H's cakes and treats. Since it has become a running joke about my cakes and treats, and because I need some humor in my life today I am posting the bugs....

First up Dirt Cakes... mini version... Oh I forgot H picked bugs as his birthday theme this year . Last year he liked his worm cups so much he requested bug cups this year .....

Take pre-made cookie dough and place in a mini muffin tin and bake to make the cup part. This is cool because it is a cookie cup and yet small enough not to put small children into a sugar coma:)

Once the cups have cooled you put one very small dab of chocolate pudding into the cup.....and sprinkle with crushed oreo cookie ( I cheat and buy an oreo pie crust then I have just pre crumbled oreos..and no tempting cookies around the house....the pie crust is just enough for a class of 24) last year we put a gummy worm this year it was a bug ring..... last year it was dark chocolate cookie's this year H opted for chocolate chip.... play around have fun....

the cake thankfully I didn't have to decorate ( this is where the comedy comes in as my decorated cakes are famous for their comical looks ...cake decorating isn't my strength thank goodness the kids love them anyway.....) 

H had toy bugs all over his chocolate pudding cake..... plus because it was a dirt cake.... I didn't have to worry that the cake was lop sided !!! Best part it is exactly what H wanted.... H set up the "bug scene" for the picture and asked me to blog it..... too funny.

Now on to the serious side of this post....... As many of you know T has been having problems.... we now have a medical situation that requires us to take him back to the states to a special hospital that can better sort out the whole mess.... I won't be posting for awhile......This is better I am angry and frustrated and it would be dark and bizarre posts. I am angry that the doctor here didn't do her job, I am angry my family has been put in a horrible position, I am angry that this awful doctor has said horrible things about me and has made a huge horrible mess for my child, I am especially angry everything has come to this point......My child is in a medical crisis and she is making the whole mess worse.... We are going to the states for a short trip I will be back and T will be on the road to recovery... then we will start the process of moving back..... Then I will be back with posts about our more hopeful journey...once the healing has begun.....  See you in the spring.... once all the storms have passed.

Knitting Pattern

As the snow has not left here ( it snowed 6 inches yesterday)........

As I am feeling stressed and knitting is soothing......

I am going to knit a scarf for the long winter in the hopes that spring will come..... and my stress will leave after knitting......

here is a new free pattern to inspire my fellow knitters.......

The original pattern

The fun twist on that pattern I personally am going to try....

Another place for unusual patterns and crafts.....

The Religious side of Paris.....

No trip to Paris would be complete without a visit to the famous Notre dame. Stories, legends, and other tales have all been spun around this iconic church.

 It is incredibly intricate even on the outside of the cathedral.

 It is of course over 800 years old and from the gothic period of architecture.

 H liked the gargoyles on the outside of the church.....

which by the way allow rain to run off of the building the water from theses channels comes out of their mouths.

When we went it was Friday, and a Friday during lent so special services were in session. I have to say to me it is weird that we would visit a church during services, I mean people are trying to practice their religion.

 I understand though that there is a constant flow of people coming for a multitude of reasons and it is part of the church. Our tour guide says she has attended services many times and while there is a hum of activity the services are still wonderful, as she says.

 Because special services were going on there was no talking and no flash photography. I have to say I was slightly irritated by some of the people visiting the church. While I am not catholic myself I respect that the people attending the services are and this is there sacred place. I feel that it is a privilege for us to still be able to tour this beautiful sight while it is still being used for services and the people there should have respect for their religious practices. 

Many tourist were talking loudly pointing wildly or using flash photography. I can also understand from a historical sense no flash photography, this is a working church so many of the 800 year old artifacts are still being used.

 The statues, artwork, wooden sculptures etc. and these are 800 years old being bombarded with a flash everyday would cause undo stress. Alas not all of the tourist were respectful or thoughtful.......

The church lies on the city island, this island is said to be the birthplace of Paris. There is a star in front of the church they call the heart of France, it is literally the center of the city of Paris. 

H stood on this spot at the encouragement of our tour guide, it is suppose to bring you good fortune, and for women children. Yes, I walked around the star while I love my children 4 is plenty. H will have to absorb the good fortune for me. 

The front of the church has recently been cleaned the project took 6 years, and they did a remarkable job. 

I am amazed at the level of detail on the outside of the building it is truly breathtaking.

 Inside you weave through the outer perimeter of the cathedral. As you walk around you see alcoves with statues depicting scenes from the bible and statues of saints. March 1st is Saint David's day ( Happy Birthday Grandma !!!!) So this  area had flowers and a special area for peopl to light candles of prayer. The wooden paintings along the side of the center area are beautiful. Rich deep colors and of course gold paint also. 

Navy blues, hunter greens, and rich brick reds. The attention to detail here is amazing. I would be surprised if there was a surface that wasn't decorated in some meaningful and purposeful way. 

 During Lent there are services here every Friday, and only during this time of year are a special set of relics brought out for the services. It is said that at the time of the cathedral's building, people went to Jerusalem and recovered a portion of the Cross that Jesus was crucified on, the crown of thorns worn by Jesus. there are also bone fragments from different Saints. These relics are brought out for the services and people can view them as well as receive blessings during the communion with the relics. We were off to the side of the cathedral so when the procession of the knights and priests came from the services we were able to see the relics as they were being retired for the evening. I have been to Catholic services with friends and family but I had never scene a procession with incense and so many priests. I have to say this was a very moving procession. When I was watching the procession, I thought of all of my Catholic friends and family, I said a special prayer and wished they could have been there because I know this would have meant so much more to all of them.

 H was very interested in the procession and I was pleased that unlike many of the adults around him he was quiet and respectful, he genuinely liked learning about the services. For all of those reading this who are Catholic I dedicate this to you. I am so happy I saw Notre Dame and during such a special time of year thank you for sharing.